How Does Family Influence Shyness

Parents are the role models of their shy kids

The minute the child is born to her mother, her family is her support system until the time comes when she is ready to face the world.

Parents most importantly, influence their child’s behavior. The family or the parents’ influences are the first pillars of foundation for the child. Of course, there is also the physiological aspect which is the genes he possesses. But, the child has little to do with that. He is more concerned with what he sees, smells, hears, tastes and feels. 

His first dip into his formative years is greatly dependent on his observations of the environment he belongs to and that includes his parent’s actions and behaviors. The child often tests the limits of his environment and observes how it will respond to his tests.

But, if a child displays a degree of timidity and shyness, you as a parent may begin to wonder how he will be able to cope with the pressures and difficulties in life. How can you as parents help your child in his anxiety? You may also worry because of the knowledge that your child maybe missing something good in his life if he is not able to manage his shyness well.

As a parent, you will do whatever it takes to help your child. If you think this way, you are a gift to your child and that is the first step. Likewise, effective ways are offered to you on a silver platter for a worthwhile serving:

• Know the roots of your child’s shyness
  
  
• Exhibit your confident social behavior in front of your child
  
  
• Train your child the social skills he needs early
  
  
• Teach him creative problem solving
  
  
• Acknowledge your child’s talents and hobbies that will make him feel special
  
  
• Train your child to effectively handle his emotions
  
  
• Teach your child to accept and respect others
  
  
• Labeling your child as “shy” may make or break him
  
  
• If needed, seek professional help

Know the roots of your child’s shyness. Where does your child’s shyness stem from? Is it from meeting new people? Eating in public places? Speaking in front of people? Being in groups? Attending social functions? Or in almost everything he does or where he is? You have to know the answers to all these questions in order for you to create a program that would really respond to his specific needs as a child and the skills he should develop to be at ease in any given social situations.

Exhibit your confident social behavior in front of your child. If you want to impress, be sure to impress your child first and foremost. You must be the first role model of your child especially in being sociable to others and do it in the presence of your child. What you can do are the following:

Make your child see that you are ready for social situations like in greeting people “hi” and immediately starting a conversation with them.

Guide these process by making a list of things you want your child to be comfortable doing like placing an order in a restaurant, asking assistance from a saleslady or making phone calls. Be sure that you too are doing these in the presence of your child.

Show your friendliness to everybody. Give them warm smiles and greetings throughout the day.

Make your child hear your compliments to other people.

Do little acts of kindness to other people like opening doors for them or assisting ladies to their chairs.

Attend social skills classes and inform your child of what you are doing.

If there are shy children, most likely that one of their parents is a shy parent too. Fifty percent of the children may have one parent who is shy and 25 percent may have two parents who are shy. What will you do then if you yourself are struggling against your shyness?

• Model little acts of kindness to your children.
  
  
• Grab opportunities to practice being assertive in the presence of your child.
  
  
• Practice social skills at home.
  
  
• Train your child early the social skills he needs. Shyness increases with age from 20 percent of children in grade school to 50 percent when they reached the adolescent stage. What to do with this reality is to respond positively by training your child to develop their social skills early on in his life. How?
  
  
• Schedule play dates for your children and find a safe place where they can interact with other playmates and practice social skills.
  
  
• Let your child know how important friends are and how to keep them.
  
  
• Teach your children techniques on how they can read the signals of other people and how they participate in a group and leave the group when it’s necessary.
  
  
• Rehearse and exhibit social skills at home. Practice as a family. An etiquette book may help as well.
  
  
• Practice too social skills outside of home with the guidance of the parents.

Teach him creative problem solving. Make your child understand and accept that it is ok to fail. Explain to her that failures will ready her for more challenges and that it does not mean that she will never win in the same endeavor. By creating a creative problem solving system in your child’s life your child can benefit from the following:

• Generate multiple solutions to a problem.
  
  
• Wait until your solutions are finished before evaluating them.
  
  
• Test each of the solutions scientifically.
  
  
• Gift your child for trying.
  
  
• Monitor your child’s progress

Acknowledge you child’s talents and hobbies that will make him feel his special.  Motivate your children to develop early their passions in life. Then, help them in realizing these passions in a more tangible form.

• Tap your children’s strengths and make him do what he is best in doing.
  
  
• Engage your child in solitary activities that interest him like music and voice lessons.
  
  
• Motivate your child to show and exhibit his expertise.
  
  
• Join activities that require high levels of interaction with others especially children.

Train your child to effectively handle his emotions. Help your child to cope with the pressures of his emotions rather than comfort the child which has the tendency of making their shyness an excuse not to try.

Teach your child to accept and respect others. Never judge other people in front of your child. The tendency of this is your child will think that you also judge him harshly and being with other people will give them a chance to judge him as well.

Labeling your child as “shy” may make or break him. Never label your child as shy because he might believe in and act on it for the rest of his life. Always view shyness along with other personal traits as positive.

Follow a gradual pattern of change. Eradicating shyness is not done overnight.  Just like life it is a process and parents should monitor the child’s gradual progress.

If needed, seek professional help. If you observe that your child’s condition just keeps on worsening no matter how hard you try, then maybe you need to seek professional help.

Shyness, if addressed early in life, is manageable. As parents, you need to keep on exploring new ways of helping your child cope up with the pressures of the time. Hope all the tips given may in one way or another help your child combat shyness effectively and enjoy life in its splend.

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